Friday, 29 September 2017

Catch up

Catch up With Me – What’s going on?








How rubbish am I?!? I haven’t had the best start at this blogging thing now have I?  OOPS.  I’m the absolute worst I said I wanted to post regularly and back in June I said ‘Oh I haven’t been posting regularly, I’m going to get back to it’ and yet here we are again!  So, this is a little catch up / life update post about what’s going on with me and what’s been happening.


 



Some time in July I decided that I needed to take a break from the pressure I was putting on myself with my blog until I could ease back into this with my head in a different place.  Hey, I like it attached to my body and all, don’t get me wrong but over the last few months it hasn’t been feeling all that wonderful and mentally hasn’t been in a great place.  I didn’t really plan on taking a break from my newly launched blog but it got to the stage where I just wasn’t doing it and wasn’t doing it but I was also beating myself up about it and I don’t need that, neither do you guys!

So, as much as I want to say a huge sorry for my absence lately; I want to post on Laura’s Carousel because I want to, not because I feel like I should and I don’t think that any posts that I produced ‘because I should’ would be my best quality.  I know it’s not all about the numbers but of course I want to build up my followers and have you be regular visitors here but I need to be in an okay place to be able to produce content that would make you want to do that …. If that makes any sense?!  I want my blog to be a happy place and to have lovely comforting associations, not something that I feel I have to do – I want this to be something I WANT to do.  Maybe I’ll never be the best at sticking to a regular posting schedule, maybe one day we’ll get there but either way, that’s okay with me and I hope that’s okay with you.  I love my readers and I hope that you love Laura’s Carousel no matter what kind of posting schedule I have 😊




Well I came back from holiday with the family at the start of July and almost immediately my body went into yet another massive flare up that my body just couldn’t shake off.  It was really pretty horrid.  I often think that my body has some sort of coping mechanism that helps to keep it going, an adrenaline thing and then when it stops whoa I’m in for a crash.  This is good in that it usually lets me get through things like the holiday not being in a flare but the payback is just awful, there aren’t enough words to describe the awfulness!  I was feeling pretty damn miserable and sorry for myself.  Unfortunately, my head – my generally fragile head – sank pretty low with every day feeling so hard and frustrating.  After a few weeks of awful physical health, mentally I then felt the worst I’d felt in a long time and it came to a point where I didn’t even know if I felt worse mentally or physically.  The mind – body connection sure is pretty strong.  They both have such an impact on each other and you absolutely can’t separate them; this is something that I knew before I became ill but being ill has really shown me how much it's true.  

I’d love to tell you that something happened to make me feel wonderfully better but truth is I really don’t know how I kept going and what happened.  I basically hunkered down and just got through it until eventually the worst of it eased off enough to allow me to get ready for my trip to Ireland.  I’m planning on doing another post about my trip to Ireland with a few photos from the trip but it really was amazing.  The scenery was insanely gorgeous, I love spending time with my auntie and uncle so much and I feel like the trip done wonders for my mental health. 

Physically I haven’t had that horrible crash since coming back from Ireland; and so as per that mind / body thing it’s been easier to hold onto that little bit of good mental health because I haven’t felt in a terrible physical place.  Honestly I’ve been on tenterhooks waiting for it and not really wanting to do things until it had been and gone haha but it just hasn’t come, yet!  It’ll probably surprise me sometime soon but for now I’m enjoying a bit of reprise.  That doesn’t mean, as all you spoonies out there know, that I’m feeling wonderful!  My PoTS has been playing up like mad which has meant loads of dizziness and I’ve just started on a new tablet for it which has meant lots of drowsiness!  There is no complete respite at all but to feel at my ‘baseline’ normal for more than a couple of days is fab. 

I want to thank you guys -  my lovely readers – for bearing with me whilst I took an unexpected little blog hiatus!  My plan is to focus lots on my blog now, to give myself something nice to put my little bits of energy into but I’m not going to make any big promises to you cos look what happened last time!  But yeah, my intention is that I want to start posting twice a week so keep your fingers crossed!!



What have you guys been up to during my little blog break?  Have I missed anything?  What do you think as a reader about irregular blog posts?  Do you have any mind- body connection stories?  Fill me in in the comments below!  
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2 comments

  1. Please, please, please don't feel bad about not having posted in a while. I think we've all been there in one way or another, not feeling like posting but also feeling bad for not posting. It's not a nice feeling at all, but you did the right thing in allowing yourself a break.

    I also completely know what you mean about that strange coping mechanism that allows you to get through things but then completely crash! For years I thought it was just me who experienced this.

    I'm so sorry you've been struggling with your PoTS recently. I really hope your doctors are able to find a combination of meds that work for you to allow your normal to be a regular occurrence.

    Sending lots of love your way! Xx

    Tania | When Tania Talks

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for your comment Tania :) I'm going to try and be a bit easier on myself and not put too much pressure on me to post - otherwise I'm not going to want to!
      Oh that's really interesting you have that mechanism too - I've always thought it was just me also!!
      Thank you lovely, I'm keeping everything crossed the Midodrine will just start kicking in at some point soon. I really hope that yours settles down a little too and your body eases off a little to let you enjoy pregnancy!
      Thank you and all the love sent back to you too xxx

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